uh-oh
kok ngerasa dejavu yg amat sangat. ada di ambang2 perasaan yg sama2 juga kya dulu.
kok bisa sih, segampang itukah perasaan bisa berubah? ngeri amat!
duh.
rasanya kya disadarkan dr sesuatu. leaves me disorientated and the feeling it leaves is... emptyness?
my feelings are drained out, like a tap thats not properly closed so everything drips away. not in one go. drips. systematically.
i fully realize the trigger. not like it hasnt happened before tapi impactnya gak pernah sampe segini. knapa gue gak bisa stay positive? is being realistic basically being negative? i feel like i cant say any of those things he said. i know i cant.
duh.
jadi mikirin ulang kata2 gue sendiri. why im doing this. has it been achieved? krn itukah gue ngerasa mentok?
sedih jadinya. if i look at him its painful.
why is this happening again....
nowhere
is it going nowhere? jadi gue ngapain? masa yg orang2 bilang itu bener?
ini smua siasia? is this going to be the ultimate buang tenaga buang perasaan dan makan ati?
kalo gitu mungkin emang bener gue adalah orang yg paling naif sedunia.
ngalahin smua orang yg pernah gue ketawain dulu dulu.
he who has the first laugh cries the hardest.
idiot.
tired
im so exhausted.
pengen treak. pengen marah.
tp gue harus nahan emosi. nahan prasaan.
nahan omongan. mikirin smua tindakan gue.
fucked up abis.
untitled unimportantness
hear hear. its official. i suck at this whole blogging thing. my deepest apologies goes out to all of you, wasting your oh-so prescious time to read the ultimate tragedy that is my blog. now isn't even the wisest decision of me to rant and shout about in here since i havent finished all the requirements for tomorrows DCS class. but heck i need my friggin break! [excuses.. excuses..]
currently its 5.30 in the morning, yet another healthy hour to be out of bed is it not?!?! class starts at 9.30.. only 4 hours from now. just perfect! and there's another presentation at 1pm but yeah we'll take care of that tmrw. there's still time. yeah.
enough about my academic obligations. lets move on to some more pressing matter, namely at how terrible my attempt is in producing decent thoughts on the net. why is this so frikkin hard? i know, why bother since no one will ever read this except for that one person who already knows everything happnening in my life anyway (hehehe). or you, the unfortunate stranger who randomly stumbled in here by clicking that darned 'next blog' button. guess u'd better make use of that button again. anytime soon, preferably?
too bad...
HA! ur hooked
( PLEASE say ur hooked...)
*ignore the jayusness*
now back to 'decent thoughts'. lately iv done a whole bunch of thinking actually, but whether those fall in the decent category.. euh.. i dun think so. it contains a lot of political incorrectness (ah do i sense a smile there? ). i cant really help myself, *hey my neighbour is awake. who in their right minds get up at 6am. weirdo!* maybe im jinxed. maybe gue kemakan omongan sendiri.
ugh one things for sure. id better get back to work. i shall greet yee wunderbahrlich reader in an occasion yet to be announced~
paco
its been a while since iv listened to ladytron. i particularly like paco. it kinda mocks the mall hopping type of consumerism. hoho. oh, bonds is using playgirl for their winter collection commercials.. bit weird tho but alrite i guess, remixed.
had one of those conversations last night with my roommie about our little frustrations in life, frictions with friends, loathings of certain types of ppl and their style [very interesting topic]. personalities also came up, and iv asked her whether im easy to read or not. i was kinda expecting a no for an answer, but surprisingly she told me that she can read into me quite well. she knows my traits 'n how i handle stuff. we share certain things tho. we sorta hav the same 'couldnt be bothered' attitude. we're both melancholic-ish. mebbe thats why she doesnt find me that hard to figure out? hmmm...
anyways it was a day full of conversations, cuz before that i went out with a friend. and of course we had a cuppa, at angelucci's to be precise ^^. oh iv thought about this again and am grateful still for my current living arrangement. i just need this kind of freedom, being able to go out and about without having to bertanggung jawab serta melapor to the mightier powers. hmm stuff like this just helped putting a bit of the stress off my head..
need to sleep for a couple of hours. i feel another semi- alnighter coming up ^_^()
taraaaahhh!!!
its been quite a few days.. or weeks, for that matter. my peaceful days of slacking of has come to its end and am currently in the middle of the hectic last 2 weeks before mid-term assesments. It will definitely mess with my mind, yesterday was a very good example of that.
've spent the night talking on the phone til the point i didnt know what i was saying anymore.. had prolly said some pretty stupid and unnecessary things that i can barely remember, actually. not good. not to be repeated in the future.
my brains defunct in times like these. am not happy cuz i get really stupid. stupid in every sense of the stupid word.
skarang ini gue lagi iri dan salut sama org2 yg self motivated. yg kekeuh jemekeuh. yg memegang prinsip no-matter-what. karena hal2 ini yg gue rasa menghilang dari diri gue . i thought i had those things permanently built-in, kartu2 truf paling strong yg siap tempur klo permainan udah mulai ngaco. or maybe iv over-used it, sehingga efeknya ilang? rasanya nggak juga. yg jelas gue yg dulu akan menertawakan dan mencibir diri gue yg skarang. oh if only i could meet these two ppl up.
emotions get in my way to being realistic. i dont like this. but i will figure out my way eventho its kinda new.
